Interesting article. I don't mean this to be "snarky", but I have some questions and concerns.
Why be prepared to take offense? Why be prepared to be hyper-sensitive? Adoptive parents are often eager to talk about adoption. How do non-adoptive parents and persons know what to say and what kind of questions to ask without being judged?
It seems to be a double standard to want prayer, raise awareness, encourage others, and garner support, but then give a list of comments and questions that are taboo? How is asking why we chose international adoption being rude? How is asking how much adoption costs offensive? How can people learn and grow without asking questions?
It is a great blessing to share our adoptive story, especially since I am myself an adoptive daughter of our Heavenly Father. It is an opportunity to share the good news with friends as well as strangers. It is an opportunity to clear up confusion and misunderstandings with the grace and love of Jesus. Far from being offended, I suggest we praise God for these grace opportunities He has given us.
I have to respond quickly, because I have a house full of people. However, I want to say that I agree with you. I agree that adoption is beautiful and we should use questions as an opportunity to praise God and clear up confusion. However, the difficulty for me comes when the motives for stranger's questions are rude, and my children have to stand there and endure rude comments. Anyone who knows me knows that I love, LOVE talking about adoption. I love sharing the amazing story of my son's adoption, and God's grace and healing in their lives. I love sharing about how we who were spirtually adopted should emulate our Father in physical adoption. I always respond to people's questions with grace and attempt to help them understand. However, the problem for me comes when people's motives for questions are to put me in my place, and insinuate that I should have adopted domestically or I should only adopt children that look like me. When these questions/comments are said in front of my children, I do not appreciate them. My children should not have to feel that they are less, because others do not understand the love of Christ in adoption. Maybe you have not had to face these kinds of scenarios at the mall or the park, etc. I have, and I think I handle it well, but I am very protective of my boys. They are not mature enough to handle the rude remarks of others yet. It is my job to protect them and guide them at this point. Another thing about this article that I liked was the fact that it is very hard for adoptive moms to "fit into" the conversations of moms who have given birth. It is awkward for us at times, because we are not free to share our "labor story". I just wanted to point out that we do like to share with our friends. We do want to be part of the conversation. I hope this makes sense. It is not about me not wanting to share our amazing, beautiful story. It is about my boy's not feeling less than and constantly having to hear the remarks of strangers. I know this is a ramble, but one more thing....
Sharing the cost of adoption is not a problem for me if people are respectful in their questions or genuinely want to help or pray for us. I don't necessarily agree with everything in the article. I just want people to think before they make rude comments. Prayer comments, supportive comments, asking about adoption is never a problem for me. Thanks!
Interesting article. I don't mean this to be "snarky", but I have some questions and concerns.
ReplyDeleteWhy be prepared to take offense? Why be prepared to be hyper-sensitive? Adoptive parents are often eager to talk about adoption. How do non-adoptive parents and persons know what to say and what kind of questions to ask without being judged?
It seems to be a double standard to want prayer, raise awareness, encourage others, and garner support, but then give a list of comments and questions that are taboo? How is asking why we chose international adoption being rude? How is asking how much adoption costs offensive? How can people learn and grow without asking questions?
It is a great blessing to share our adoptive story, especially since I am myself an adoptive daughter of our Heavenly Father. It is an opportunity to share the good news with friends as well as strangers. It is an opportunity to clear up confusion and misunderstandings with the grace and love of Jesus. Far from being offended, I suggest we praise God for these grace opportunities He has given us.
I have to respond quickly, because I have a house full of people. However, I want to say that I agree with you. I agree that adoption is beautiful and we should use questions as an opportunity to praise God and clear up confusion.
ReplyDeleteHowever, the difficulty for me comes when the motives for stranger's questions are rude, and my children have to stand there and endure rude comments.
Anyone who knows me knows that I love, LOVE talking about adoption. I love sharing the amazing story of my son's adoption, and God's grace and healing in their lives. I love sharing about how we who were spirtually adopted should emulate our Father in physical adoption. I always respond to people's questions with grace and attempt to help them understand.
However, the problem for me comes when people's motives for questions are to put me in my place, and insinuate that I should have adopted domestically or I should only adopt children that look like me. When these questions/comments are said in front of my children, I do not appreciate them. My children should not have to feel that they are less, because others do not understand the love of Christ in adoption. Maybe you have not had to face these kinds of scenarios at the mall or the park, etc. I have, and I think I handle it well, but I am very protective of my boys. They are not mature enough to handle the rude remarks of others yet. It is my job to protect them and guide them at this point.
Another thing about this article that I liked was the fact that it is very hard for adoptive moms to "fit into" the conversations of moms who have given birth. It is awkward for us at times, because we are not free to share our "labor story". I just wanted to point out that we do like to share with our friends. We do want to be part of the conversation.
I hope this makes sense.
It is not about me not wanting to share our amazing, beautiful story. It is about my boy's not feeling less than and constantly having to hear the remarks of strangers.
I know this is a ramble, but one more thing....
Sharing the cost of adoption is not a problem for me if people are respectful in their questions or genuinely want to help or pray for us. I don't necessarily agree with everything in the article. I just want people to think before they make rude comments.
Prayer comments, supportive comments, asking about adoption is never a problem for me.
Thanks!